We live about five minutes away from a lake, and we regularly visit the ducks, geese, swans, and gulls that hang out there armed with copious amounts of stale bread.
Swan
A majestic bird marked by white plumage and prominent orange beak. One of the largest birds capable of flight, and renowned for the effortless grace with which they glide through water.
I have a natural suspicion of the Swan. I am not sure why. I just never warmed to them. This is not helped by the fact that there must be about thirty swans that live there, and they stampede toward you hungrily when they see you approach.
Swan (Urban Myth)
An avian psychopath known for its capacity for limb breaking punishment beatings. Research suggests that this aggression stems from the fact that swans are notoriously late bloomers, and suffer years of schoolboy ridicule as a result of their awkward appearance in their formative years.
On one visit a friend and his daughter joined us for the experience. Alex realising where he was, quickly began building a compelling argument that he should be let out of the car first. To avoid an argument I obliged, set him beside the car and gave him the bread to hold, whilst I helped my friend release his daughter from our spare car seat.
There lies my mistake.
Everybody out of the car, I turned round to get Alex who I had assumed would be standing by his car door. Unfortunately not. He was proudly standing in the middle of about six swans, who were sleeping at close quarters on a slipway. He was swinging the bread, in what could have quite possibly been interpreted as an aggressive manner toward the aforementioned psychopaths, and doing what I can only describe as an ad hoc ‘Wake Up Mr Swan’ dance. Beautiful.
Such circumstances demand action, obviously. Now some in attendance say that I approached the swans gingerly, nervously sidled my way into the middle of their grouping, whilst audibly apologising to them as I guided Mr Alex to relative safety. I prefer the version that I manfully dashed in, threw Alex over my shoulder – before scattering the swans in every direction. Yes.
Thankfully Alex was blissfully unaware of the perilous situation that he had just been in – and merrily went about feeding the locals.
A prudent gentleman would carry a hip flask for such occasions. Not I, alas!
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11 Comments
07/08/2009 at 01:07
all is well that ends well..
07/08/2009 at 14:07
I agree with your assessment of the Swan.
A simple reading of ancient tales teaches us that anything that was once so plain and ugly and is now so beautiful and majestic has CLEARLY made some horrible deal with Lucifer or one of his minions and is not to be trusted.
07/08/2009 at 14:48
WOW! Such delicate maneuvers LOL…Kudos!
07/08/2009 at 14:52
They can be aggressive, I’m glad the little one was ok.
07/08/2009 at 14:56
People like to think they are majestic creatures, but you’re right, they are total psychos.
07/08/2009 at 17:04
psycho swans are scary, but then i don’t like pigeons and seagulls either :-/ glad you were able to get alex out of there safely
08/08/2009 at 05:02
I will have to agree, the peculiar neck, the purposefully messed feathers, as though they were going for the bad boy mixed with a Jude Law look for swans. This is the swan I know. We see geese quite often, and they are sometimes plane ruthless! Good luck around the avarians! -Jason
08/08/2009 at 13:32
You don’t carry a flask? Or have a spare in the car? You sir, are no gentleman.
08/08/2009 at 16:17
If he is so fearless, try dressing him in toddler sized chain mail. No more need for rescue! I would wait till tween years for a javelin and steed, though.
08/08/2009 at 22:08
I hate birds. Every since one pecked me as a child. Thank you for sparing your son of the same hate that lives in me.
I’m trying to cope, but these things just take time.
11/08/2009 at 02:35
You are a brave man rescuing Alex from that dangerous situation!
I hate swans. My only encouter with them left me with a sore finger . . . which one swan bit TWICE!