Mr Alex and I were sitting in one afternoon, when Claire returned home and announced that she had a “surprise” for Alex. I am sure you can imagine there was much excitement as he was given a new toy.
Surprise
An unexpected, but kind gesture, that bestows a gift or fun experience upon the recipient.
Alex was thrilled with his surprise, so much so that he now expects them to be a little more regular. A popular phrase at the moment is “I want a surprise!”
Surprise (Mr Alex)
A gift or fun experience that should be bestowed upon the recipient on demand.
Depending on his mood, it is interesting what fulfils Alex’s ‘surprise’ criteria, a bowl of dry cereal, a snack bar, or sometimes the offer of playing a game. Yes – he is a cheap date.
However, Father had to take things too far on another occasion, when he openly proffered “If you do this now, Dada will give you a surprise.”
Surprise (Revised)
A carefully negotiated bribe, with attached terms and conditions. Parents can expect compliance with their wishes and the performance of an identified task or activity. The toddler receives a benefit in kind. Everybody wins.
A carefully negotiated ‘surprise’ can be very effective, however do proceed with caution - open discussions at the wrong time, or suggest an unfit benefit and the moment will be lost with recovery unlikely. Also, avoid the temptation to impose unfair contract terms. For example do not include things that are outside the realm of possibility, such as setting a time requirement that would require little ones to travel faster than the 100m sprint record in order to satisfactorily complete their task. I would never try this. It may see you gain the upper hand on this occasion – but will ultimately affect your credibility when you try and broker future deals.
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8 Comments
31/07/2009 at 10:38
Excellent! This is a recurring theme in our home as well, with the little one wanting to open every box she sees in the hopes that it will contain something for her! Thanks for the laugh!
31/07/2009 at 13:56
I totally intend to bribe my son, but I think surprises is a much better term to use
31/07/2009 at 14:02
OH yes, the “if you don’t behave you won’t get a surprise”….method.
You better make sure your surprises are good..or that won’t work each time.
31/07/2009 at 14:03
Warning: My oldest expects a surprise/bribe/reward for completing even the most mundane tasks. He also wishes to inspect the mail to make sure nothing is for him.(though I do have a Christmas gift for his brother coming that I have to find a way to lie about so that he doesn’t inspect the box…)
31/07/2009 at 23:25
I like good surprised, my kids like present surpises, but I never used the “if you do this now, Mom will give you a surprise” method. Maybe I should have tried it. My problem is/was, I don’t think my girls would have taken the bait.
Have you ever thought about throwing Alex a “Surprise!” party?
03/08/2009 at 13:14
Alex loves parties, and to be honest will celebrate anything with one! As I left the house this morning, he announced that it was Dr Ruari’s birthday, and that we would be having cake later.
(We hosted a baby shower for some friends yesterday, and he was inspired by the leftover cake!)
01/08/2009 at 04:00
Very nice! Surprises become their own system and take a life of their own. We use surprises/rewards to avoid bad spots in the day when we know that they will occur (before they occur, not after). Most of the time it works with our daughter. I hope this doesn’t ruin our kids in the end!
-Jason
01/08/2009 at 14:45
Negotiating with small children is a very risky proposition that I usually wind up on the losing side of.