Yesterday’s post “I cried” made me think about what ways I could harness the power of a toddler for good. Then I had a eureka moment.
Toddlers, as a breed, are passionate, determined, and 100% focused on getting their own way. Throw into the mix a complete disregard for social conventions, an engrained pre-disposition to challenge authority, an ambivalence towards embarrassment, as well as an ability to convey the complete spectrum of human emotion at the drop of a hat – surely they have the potential to become nature’s foremost negotiators.
Therefore I have decided to open the worlds first “Toddler School of Negotiation”.
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam
(I will either find a way or make one)
Toddler School of Negotiation Motto
If you know a special small person who loves a good argument, and often has you harbouring the feeling that “I can not believe that I am doing this” – enrol them now, unleash their power.
Imagine walking into a meeting with a prospective client flanked by a toddler in pin stripes. Picture the scene – a boardroom, a prospective big deal, two hard faced corporate lawyers, you and your toddler negotiator. Watch with awe as your toddler repeats the same term over and over, and over and over. Watch the corporate types slip down their chairs as they are worn down to new levels of submission. Then simply pick up your negotiator and walk towards the elevator as the ink dries on your desired outcome.
The business case for the School highlighted one particular area of risk – the fact that cunning corporate types could try and distract unsuspecting toddlers with something edible, shiny or noisy. However it is also true that there is a direct correlation between the more focused a toddler is on what it wants, the less likely it is that it will be distracted by anything that is offered to it. Therefore, in order to mitigate this risk, we will ensure that all of our graduates exemplify focus itself.
“Focus on Focus”
An excerpt from the School’s Values statements.
The business case also highlighted a range of economic benefits to prospective clients. For example, if a meeting requires a flight to attend, just have him or her sit on your lap, and you will save an air fare. Additionally, eating out would not need to be the expensive pursuit it currently is, just order off the kids menu and get them a toy. No need for unnecessary small talk.
What could possibly go wrong?
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More from Toddler Week:
- Toddlers – a definition and explanation
- Reflections on some typical toddler behaviour
8 Comments
19/06/2009 at 12:30
Great post!
I can tell you put lots of thought into it…toddlers will do that to ya.
Happy Father’s Day!
19/06/2009 at 13:08
Too true! Toddlers just have that way about getting what they want. it’s a perfect balance of cuteness and annoying LOL.
19/06/2009 at 17:47
I really dig the idea. How much is tuition, and do parents get a kickback if their kid negotiates a huge deal? I’m thinking 2% would be good enough for me
19/06/2009 at 18:28
Hi Scott – Apparently there are a lot of “ethical” issues in relation to this that one my not have considered in the first instance. I was originally aiming to retain most of the profit as well as image rights of graduates. Apparently there are laws against that though.
All things considered – I reckon 2-5% is achievable!
20/06/2009 at 14:50
Where do I sign up? Just send me the paperwork…gotta go negotiate a peace treaty with my 3 year old now…
20/06/2009 at 16:01
This was fantasmic! (that’s the highest honor I can bestow upon a post)
I would say sales or corporate negotiations though, because hostage negotiations would end with a body count.
21/06/2009 at 12:32
Happy Father’s Day, Mark!
21/06/2009 at 20:12
NYC – Glad to have you onboard – your child will go far. Hope the peace talks go well! (It’s the last time you stand a chance of getting anywhere!)
WeaselMomma – Thanks for that – fantasmic sounds good! Yes there is a module called Body Count 101 in semester 2. Will let you know how we get on with that.
Brian – Thanks Man – you too!